My parents were like yin and yang, the darkest and lightest energies I have ever known. Yin is the expansive night sky, the womb of existence which envelops us all, and her lunar cycles govern all life. Yang is the sun, stunning and powerful yes, but a finite star in the infinite expanse of the universe. Mother Universe has the capacity to swallow stars whole and the charade of humanity stands no chance against the threat of her cosmic collapse.
I have always known my mother could not love me, but I needed to understand why. I learned to dance with dark energy, so narcissistic relationships came naturally for me. Through my own healing, I have learned to transcend the darkness by becoming light, to witness yin in others and accept instead of change it. I kept returning to the source of pain until I could be sure it would no longer hurt me.
Narcissism is a wounding of relationality created through depriving a child of the requisite nourishment of love, and a pervasive spiritual disease of humanity. It can be extrapolated to the macrocosm, as colonization is a form of narcissism that continues to destroy this Earth. I am unsure if it is curable, the best we can do is to learn to dance in the dappled light and shadows of the trees that remain.
“In other words, what it requires of us is the somewhat troubling thought that it might not just be the colonized (Echo) who can rightfully lay claim to the experience of colonial trauma, but that the traumatizing colonizer (Narcissus) may live in the wake of trauma as well: his own disavowed relational trauma.” -Simone Drichel, The Disaster of Colonial Narcissism
Flowers pictured: black hollyhock, dahlia, kew blue salpiglossis, German chamomile, Waltham 29 broccoli and Purple of Sicily cauliflower, dara flowering carrot, chocolate cherry sunflower, lemon bergamot monarda, lobelia, bee’s friend
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